How to Speak Boston

How to Speak Boston

by Glossator Bill Russo, 

based on his studies at the following institutions:

The Huntington School for Boys, Huntington Avenue, Boston, Mass.

Grahm Junior College, in the shadow of Fenway Park

Fisher College, Arlington Street, Boston, Mass.

Bristol Community College, Attleboro, Mass. (Hey! Everybody has to start somewhere!)

Thanks to the streaming service, Netflix, I have been able to listen to the absolute worst iteration of the 'Boston Language' since Mark T. Wendell of the eponymous British tea company screamed at the original New England Patriots for dumping his Darjeeling tea blend into the Boston Harbor.

In plain 'Bostonian', I jest heard the worst imitation evah of how us guys from Boston talk at Fenway Pahk and in the yahd around the cornah, at Boston University!"

Photo by Bernard Gagnon

This travesty came during an episode of American Horror Story/Asylum when Jessica Lange struggled mightily, but utterly failed to effect a genuine Boston Accent. 

It was a world class botch job by the veteran actress who has won many awards for her work in films like Tootsie, Blue Sky, King Kong (re-make, not the 1933 version), Sweet Dreams, and Music Box. 

Some good may come from this as it has prompted me to put together this quick primer for future reference for actors, actresses, film makers, and potential visitors.  

Guide to the pronunciation and proper use of the Boston Lexicon from Glossator and Native Speaker, Bill Russo.

Rules of Grammah:

(Not your Granny - but Grammah as in 'words')

Rule Number One: To speak adequate Boston,  you must 'fahget' about the letter 'R' and the letter 'G'.  In proper Boston society, those two letters are rarely used.

Thus, in correct Bostonian, English words like running, walking, crying, car, ever, yard; are pronounced as 'runnin', 'cryin', 'walkin', 'kah', 'evah', and 'yahd'.

Here's a sprinkling of some common Boston words and phrases.  Try to work them into your daily conversation, especially if you live very far from the ocean, like California for example.  

If you put enough of these little gems in your everyday chats, you'll soon have everyone thinking you actually are from Beantown!  

Hint - a Red Sox cap will complete the ruse!

Ash Day: This word dates back to the time when almost all homes in the Northern United States were heated by coal.  The ashes from the furnace were put in large metal cans and saved for pickup by the town on Ash Day. When it snowed the ashes were spread on the sidewalks and driveways.

Bummah: An exclamation used to describe an unpleasant experience.  The 'Pats' once lost a game to the 'Fotty Ninahs'.  That was a real 'bummah'.

(The) Cape: There might be many capes in the Bay State, but there is only one called, 'The Cape'.  It is a 65 mile long island clinging to the south coast of Mass. When people from the 'Hub' go to the Cape, they say they are going 'down Cape'.

Con.  You may think of 'con' as a prisoner in the Walpole State Prison, but actually 'Con' is a yellow tubular vegetable known in other parts of the nation as 'Corn'.  Con should be eaten right on the cob, with a lobstah on the side, or perhaps some oystahs.

Con can also can be sliced off the cob and served as Con on a Dish.  It is also possible, but frowned upon, to consume con from a can.  

Drunkin' Donuts: A locals' nickname for the Massachusetts based donut shop that has grown to the second largest donut shop in the nation. According to some, the chain is known for featuring overpriced coffee and stale donuts.  To 'countah' these claims the company has dropped 'Donuts' from its name.  It's officially called 'Dunkin' now, no more donuts. 

Stah-bucks:  A western based coffee company which is trying to get a foothold in Boston.  Lovers of Stah-bucks, think that Drunkin Donuts coffee is as weak as a 14 ounce floundah.  Drunkin Donuts customers say that Stah-bucks coffee is so pretentious and expensive that the company should be called Stah-Five-Bucks because you can't get anything there for a dollah!

Dungarees:  Blue Jeans.  Dungarees is a word older Bostonians still use to describe what most of the rest of the world call jeans.  

In Boston one of the biggest musical hits of the 1950s was Eddie Fisher's Dungaree Doll.  "Dungaree doll, dungaree doll, paint your initials on my jeans.  So everyone in town will know we go around together."

Besides having the number one hit in Boston with Dungaree Doll, fisher's other claim to fame, or infamy, was divorcing Debbie Reynolds to marry her best friend Elizabeth Taylor.

But I digress, back to the grammah lesssons.

Fotty: The written word for the numbah 40. This one's a little tricky so repeat it 1256 times.  If you are not careful you might find yourself saying for-ty, instead of the correct 'fotty'.

Glawstah: The ancient fishing port, also known as Gloucester. If you are lucky enough to visit Glawstah, make sure you pronounce it correctly.  There have been cases of people being thrown off the wawf (wharf) for stumbling over this word and saying things like Glo-chester, or even the less odious, Glaw-stir.

(The) Hub: The appellation given to Boston by the famous Glossator Oliver Wendell Holmes who said that Boston is the "Hub of the Solar System." 

Hoss: As in how much 'hosspowah' yaw kah has. 

Howahyah: No this word does not refer to that new state composed of the Hawahyah Islands.  Howahyah in the language of Boston, is a combination of words used to ask a person how they ah feelin' or how they ah doin' - such as in a greetin' like 'Howahyah?"

Jevah: Like howahya, jeva is a combination word meaning 'did you evah?' Use it in a sentence like this, "Jevah go to a Boston Bruins game?"  The literal English translation, as you have guessed is "Did you ever?"

Kah:  a motor vehicle (Car).  It also stands for an elderly radical radio host name Howie Kah, who once had a huge following in New England and other parts of the U.S. He was very popular callin' attention to 'moonbats' and hacks, until he himself became one!  He's still on the radio as of 2019, but playin' to a much smallah audience that he once did. 

Kahkis: Instruments from a locksmith.  Used to start yaw kah. "Jevah lose yaw kahkis?" "Losin' yaw kakis, is a real bummah!"

Lobstah:  The number one 'ketch' of the sea from Provincetown and on tah Glawstah.  "They come outta the sea green, but cooked up they are the prettiest red you've evah seen!"

Noth: - It is a direction of the compass. It is pronounced Noth.  Nawth is acceptable, but when in New England, nevah say 'North'.

Numbah: Pronouncing this word is as easy as one, two, three. 

Off Cape: What happens when a Cape Codder is forced to cross over the bridge and leave The Cape for mainland Mass.  He or she is said to be 'off Cape'.  A Cape Codder will nevah actually tell you where anyone actually is when they are not 'on Cape'.  They just say, "He (or she) had to go 'off Cape'.

Pahk: 1. The home pahk (park) of the Boston Red Sox since 1912 when they moved from Huntington Aveune. 2. a public rest and recreation area. 3. a verb used to denote placing a vehicle in a designated area. Example: "Pahk yure kah in the yahd."

Powah: Strength, as in liftin weights.  Example: a powah lift.

Quincy: A shrub of Boston named aftah John Quincy Adams.  The name must be pronounced Quin-zee.  If you say Quin-see, you will be stared at and considered an alien life form.

Shot: This word refers to the height of a person.  Example, Pro Basketball is a game not usually played by 'Shot' men. 

Tonic: a soft drink such as Dr. Pepper of Pepsi Cola.  Over the past few decades the word has begun to lose favor and in most areas of Boston and New England, the word 'soda' is more commonly used.

Whistah: A city in Western Mass.  Pronounced exactly like Glawsta only a little different.  Whistah is spelled Worcester - but don't say war-chester or Wooster.  It's pronounced Whis-Tah!

Yahd: the land around yah house.

Yaw: translates to the English word your.  Example yaw kaw, yaw book, yaw yahd. 

That's all folks.  Theyn't no mowah. 

(Translation: there ain't no more)

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The guide is not intended to be complete, nor is it a functional course in the language. However, if you diligently practice forgettin' your Rs and Gs, and peppah your conversations with a lot of ‘wicked goods’, you’ll get by reasonably well in the Bay State. And if you’re lucky enough to get a film or tv role playing a Bostonian, perhaps we won’t laugh at you like we do at Jessica Lange as she desperately tries to sound like Rose Kennedy.

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Bill Russo is a retired journalist and broadcaster living on Cape Cod in Summer and the tropics of Florida in Winter.

His book Ghosts of Cape Cod is a three time number one bestseller in its niche on Amazon. 

Read the book by clicking the link: https://www.amazon.com/Ghosts-Cape-Cod-Bill-Russo/dp/1523999055