Incredible Inventions You'll Never See
by Bill Russo - Amazon & Smashwords author
I'm not going to be humble here. It is an unequivocal fact that I have devised several of the world's most ingenious inventions. I'm not the only one. You probably have too, if you do your inventing in dreams like I do.
Some mornings I wake up and discover that while I slept I invented a machine so incredible that it could change the landscape of the earth. Once I came up with a product that could produce water from the air that's all around us.
The device is fitted into a tiny box about the size of six pack of Pepsi. You set it up in the middle of a lifeless desert, and up sprouts Las Vegas.
The device is fitted into a tiny box about the size of six pack of Pepsi. You set it up in the middle of a lifeless desert, and up sprouts Las Vegas.
One time I invented the cure for cancer with a formula based on household trash. Imagine - getting rid of our worst disease and our rubbish at the same time!
Sadly, before I'm able to write down the specifics of my life changing miracles, the sleepiness leaves me. I'm in agony as I watch the details of my dream swirl down the drain in my bathroom sink along with the sleepy-seeds from my eyes.
Waking up is the bane of genius inventors. If I could figure out how to stay half-asleep for an hour instead of a minute, I could develop an airplane that would never crash, and a seasoning that could make a bowl of mush taste like Filet Mignon, with just a dash!
Ah, but once or twice Dear Reader, I did stay awake long enough to actually plan out my incredible inventions and I'm here today in your computer, tablet, smartphone or whatever, to tell you all about it.
So sit back, grab a coffee, and be prepared to be amazed!
Okay, 'amaze' might slightly be too strong a word for this idea, but I'm leading with my change-up before I throw a fast ball at you.
Pre-Colored-Eggs-by-the-Dozen
You perhaps are snickering at this concept, but it could be really, really big. The eggs will be done up in beautiful colors right at the processing plant and delivered to the retailers in designer boxes!
Think of it. You could go to the store during the Easter season and instead of wondering whether to get white or brown eggs, you would have a selection that includes Chartreuse, Mauve, Teal or even Puce eggs. They are perfect for the family on the go that does not have time to dye their own.
I'm thinking of marketing this product only to pretentious stores - ones that do not normally carry eggs. Imagine going into
Star-Five-Bucks (It used to be called Star-Bucks, but you can't get anything there for a dollar) and purchasing a delicious Caramel Tortellini Gnocci Macchiato and a dozen Moussiaf Rouge Oeufs (that's red-eggs in French. Brother).
I'm thinking that somewhere in the neighborhood of $16.00 would be the right price for 12 Rouge Oeufs. At a price of barely a dollar an oeuf, who could complain?
Now that Dunkin Donuts has dropped the 'Donut', they might be pretentious enough to sell my special ouefs. Picture yourself going into Dunkin and ordering.....
"I'll have a large French Vanilla, hot - and gimme six Azure Oeufs ." (That's blue-eggs in French, Sister. Giving the product a French name allows us to boost the price by a minimum of 635 per cent.)
You can chuckle and deride me now, but pre-colored Oeufs will soon be coming to your local Trader Joseph, Star-Five-Bucks, or Dunkin-No-Doughnut.
And now, here's the centerpiece of my resourcefulness - the greatest thing since Al Gore invented the internet -
Flavored nails! No, not fingernails. You know, nails that you pound into wood. Nails with a delicious coating of flavor on them!
Even today, while a great deal of the nailing is done with automatic machinery, much of the work still has to be done with the old fashioned trio; Arm, Hammer, and Nail.
Since the very first worker hammered a wooden spike into a log, carpenters have found it necessary to have nails conveniently stored in their mouth.
The wooden ones have a bit of flavor depending on what tree they came from; but the modern metal nail is nasty both in texture and taste. Despite this, any carpenter worth his hack saw, has to have at least six nails lined up in his jaw to keep the work flowing.
My chocolate, strawberry and tutti-frutti nails put the fun back into nailing. You simply take one from the handy flip-top box and stuff it in your pie-hole.
Flavored nails will revolutionize the home improvement market. They can be sold everywhere from the Home Depot to the Office Depot and even at the Railroad Depot.
People will buy them by the dozens. They will give away cartons of them at Christmas time. An elegant assortment will include 32 delicious flavors.
There is just one problem. It's just like that water car. Somebody invented a car that runs on water. You just drive up to a garden hose and fill up.
The car runs great, but the auto manufacturers and the oil companies bought up the patent and they are keeping it off the market. If you look at the photo below you will see a car that really does run on water.
It's the same thing with flavored nails. I talked to the powers that be. They are afraid kids will try to eat them.
I said, "We will just sell them to responsible adults."
"No," they responded.
"We'll put warnings on the sides of the packs saying that flavored nails might be hazardous to your health if inhaled." I fired back.
"No" they said, slamming the door on me - nailing it shut with a plain, tasteless old-fashioned nail.
I guess I'm not going to get anywhere with flavored nails.
Maybe I could changed it into a woman's product. How about flavored fingernail polish?
Flavored nail polish. Hmm, it's got real possibilities. I'll do it!
I'm going to hire that old cowboy guy with the giant mustache, who does the Coors Beer commercials to deliver my marketing slogan.
He'll be sitting in a chair at a nail saloon filled with women of all ages, nationalities, and shapes. The gals will be standing behind him holding their hands up, palms facing in so that the TV audience can see their nails.
Then that guy with the deep voice, I think his name is Sam Elliot, will say.....
"Flavo - flavored Nail Polish. It's for those ladies who love beautiful nails but can't stop biting them. Now they can have their polish, and eat it too! Pick up some Flavo today."
That's it for this edition of Adventures in Time and Space, but come back again soon for I have a few other incredible inventions to share with you. Also check out my book, T-B-T-B-T. Too Bizarre To Be True on Smashwords. It's FREE to read and worth your time, if not your money. If you don't like it, I will give you your money back!
Star-Five-Bucks (It used to be called Star-Bucks, but you can't get anything there for a dollar) and purchasing a delicious Caramel Tortellini Gnocci Macchiato and a dozen Moussiaf Rouge Oeufs (that's red-eggs in French. Brother).
I'm thinking that somewhere in the neighborhood of $16.00 would be the right price for 12 Rouge Oeufs. At a price of barely a dollar an oeuf, who could complain?
Now that Dunkin Donuts has dropped the 'Donut', they might be pretentious enough to sell my special ouefs. Picture yourself going into Dunkin and ordering.....
"I'll have a large French Vanilla, hot - and gimme six Azure Oeufs ." (That's blue-eggs in French, Sister. Giving the product a French name allows us to boost the price by a minimum of 635 per cent.)
You can chuckle and deride me now, but pre-colored Oeufs will soon be coming to your local Trader Joseph, Star-Five-Bucks, or Dunkin-No-Doughnut.
And now, here's the centerpiece of my resourcefulness - the greatest thing since Al Gore invented the internet -
Flavored Nails
Flavored nails! No, not fingernails. You know, nails that you pound into wood. Nails with a delicious coating of flavor on them!
Even today, while a great deal of the nailing is done with automatic machinery, much of the work still has to be done with the old fashioned trio; Arm, Hammer, and Nail.
Since the very first worker hammered a wooden spike into a log, carpenters have found it necessary to have nails conveniently stored in their mouth.
The wooden ones have a bit of flavor depending on what tree they came from; but the modern metal nail is nasty both in texture and taste. Despite this, any carpenter worth his hack saw, has to have at least six nails lined up in his jaw to keep the work flowing.
My chocolate, strawberry and tutti-frutti nails put the fun back into nailing. You simply take one from the handy flip-top box and stuff it in your pie-hole.
Flavored nails will revolutionize the home improvement market. They can be sold everywhere from the Home Depot to the Office Depot and even at the Railroad Depot.
People will buy them by the dozens. They will give away cartons of them at Christmas time. An elegant assortment will include 32 delicious flavors.
There is just one problem. It's just like that water car. Somebody invented a car that runs on water. You just drive up to a garden hose and fill up.
The car runs great, but the auto manufacturers and the oil companies bought up the patent and they are keeping it off the market. If you look at the photo below you will see a car that really does run on water.
It's the same thing with flavored nails. I talked to the powers that be. They are afraid kids will try to eat them.
I said, "We will just sell them to responsible adults."
"No," they responded.
"We'll put warnings on the sides of the packs saying that flavored nails might be hazardous to your health if inhaled." I fired back.
"No" they said, slamming the door on me - nailing it shut with a plain, tasteless old-fashioned nail.
I guess I'm not going to get anywhere with flavored nails.
Maybe I could changed it into a woman's product. How about flavored fingernail polish?
Flavored nail polish. Hmm, it's got real possibilities. I'll do it!
I'm going to hire that old cowboy guy with the giant mustache, who does the Coors Beer commercials to deliver my marketing slogan.
He'll be sitting in a chair at a nail saloon filled with women of all ages, nationalities, and shapes. The gals will be standing behind him holding their hands up, palms facing in so that the TV audience can see their nails.
Then that guy with the deep voice, I think his name is Sam Elliot, will say.....
"Flavo - flavored Nail Polish. It's for those ladies who love beautiful nails but can't stop biting them. Now they can have their polish, and eat it too! Pick up some Flavo today."
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That's it for this edition of Adventures in Time and Space, but come back again soon for I have a few other incredible inventions to share with you. Also check out my book, T-B-T-B-T. Too Bizarre To Be True on Smashwords. It's FREE to read and worth your time, if not your money. If you don't like it, I will give you your money back!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/651810
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My email address is Billrrrrr@yahoo.com. I answer all emails and am always glad to hear from readers.
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