Tom Brady's Retirement Date Predicted by Ouija Board?

Posted by Bill Russo in the blog "Adventures in Type and Space" on August 3, 2018

Tom Brady's Retirement Date Predicted by Ouija Board?

Pictured below is Professor Mac Arb of the Cape Cod Commission of Pseudo Science.  I wanted to consult him about the future of

pro football's greatest quarterback, Tom Brady of the New England Patriots. 

Sadly Professor Arb is just a photograph and he cannot talk, so instead I consulted two sources; time-worn, but very trustworthy.  The Magic 8-Ball and the Ouija Board.

First up was the fabled Magic 8-Ball.  

I asked: "Will Tom Brady retire after the 2018-2019 season?"

The old round whiz quickly delivered its answer which you can read below.......

How to play it safe 8-Ball!  Way to go! I could have gotten the same answer from Coach Bill Bellicose!

Certain that a 'Talking Board' would supply a more definitive response, I summoned the  21st Century Version of William Fuld's great invention - the Online Ouija Board.

 

  With this modern version of the Ouija, all you do is go to the website and ask, or simply 'think' your question and ever so slowly and gracefully the 'Spirit' in the device will spell out the answer.

I did not type in my query or even speak it aloud; by means of thought alone, I wondered: "Will Tom Brady retire at the end of the next football season?"

For a full thirty seconds the Planchette (the little marker thing) did not move.  Then, haltingly it went to the letter W, followed by an equally hesitant trip to the letter O, and then a little faster it moved to the R and then the K.  

It stopped.

The Ouija Board  responded with the word W-O-R-K. While I was puzzling how this applied to Tom Brady the little white 

heart-shaped pointer wiggled.  It moved up a fraction then to the side before finally creeping to the letter D.  Very slowly it communicated a second word: D-E-A-T-H. Again the Ouija pointer became lifeless.

"WORK DEATH" is what it said.   

Though I don't really believe in the Ouija Board (either in its board game form or in its on-line form) I was a bit creeped out.  What does the message mean?

Again it started to move and the next phrase was more inexplicable and bizarre than the first. It said: 

W-A-I-T,  H-A-V-E  M-A-G-N-E-T   B-U-I-L-T.

The full message is:  Work death. Wait, have  magnet built.

I'm open to suggestions as to how the communication applies to 

Tom Brady and what it means.  Work death?  Pro football is a dangerous game.  There have been fatalities in the game but I don't think the meaning has to do with a tragedy on the field.  

I think what the Ouija is talking about is the Brady training regimen. Tom Brady's personal trainer is not associated with the team. This has apparently caused strained relations between the team, its franchise QB, and the training people employed by the Patriots.   

The Talking Board is hinting that Brady should steer clear of the team's training program and stick with his own TB-12 training group.

Work - Death

The Talking Board is hinting that if Brady is forced to dismiss his training team and use the team's group, a very serious injury could occur.

The second part of the board's response is more clear.

Wait, Have Magnet Built

The Ouija Board is perhaps making a health and training suggestion to Tom Brady.  Magnetic Therapy is an alternative health system that uses magnets to alleviate pain and treat other conditions.

Generally the magnets are small and sold as bracelets, rings, and other pieces of jewelry. Magnets have also been built into mattresses and clothing.  

The Ouija Board is apparently suggesting that Tom Brady research and build a much larger system of Magnets - perhaps an entire magnetic room, maybe a magnetic mansion - to ensure his health, longevity, and safety.

Do I believe all this?  Do you believe all this?

I have heard Tom Brady talk about water, which is a large part of his nutrition and training program.  He recommends the intake of massive amounts of water to cleanse the human system.  He drinks in excess of 300 ounces a day.  That's almost 40 full glasses- an amount that could prove harmful to many people.

Noting the same zeal he has for his water, as well as his entire nutrition and exercise program, I can envision Brady jumping full bore into magnetic therapy.  

I suspect however that Tom will never read this blog and will never get this message. It's too bad.  A few magnets in the right places might help him win one more Super Bowl.