The Worst Birthday Present in History!

by Bill Russo



Has any guy actually ever done this?  If so, I suspect that he quickly became "Mister-Ex!"

Have you saved any of your old writings or drawings?  From my stack of crumbling, yellowed papers I found this old cartoon that I first drew in 1970 or so.  In this updated 2019 version, I kept the same dialogue but drew the people as older.  

To my young mind many years ago this concept seemed funny and I could imagine doing it - giving a gift of an empty box - but today I feel that no one would be so callous as the old boy in the drawing.  

The exception would be, of course, if he did the empty box bit as the warm-up to the real gift - a new car perhaps.  It would have to be something pretty big to soothe the sting the lady got from receiving an empty box for her birthday!

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For Nurses - a Tribute to the Lady in White

This was the Nurse's uniform in the 1950s.  The cap, which is n longer worn, identified their nursing school.

Going through a pile of my old writings this morning, I came across this attempt at poetry from early 1958. It was an homage I did to the nurses who took care of me in 1957 when I had a near fatal TBI. I wrote this at age 15 during the month or so I was recuperating at home after being released from the hospital. 

THE LADY IN WHITE, by Bill Russo

There's no woman quite so inviting
and no one nearly as exciting
as the beautiful lady in white

There's no hurt she can't heal,
fix you, no matter how bad you feel
and make it seem the world is alright

She's fat and fifty, slim and seventeen
the most perfect female you've seen
that beautiful lady in white

she's old and she's young and filled with fun
she's a miracle or at least she seems like one
as she changes my dark sad room to bright

She'll fix your broken body just to start
and even mend your torn up heart
that beautiful lady in white-

By me, 60 years ago at age 15,  it was 

MY TRIBUTE TO ALL THE NURSES IN THE WORLD

c 1957 renewed 2019

Plastic Bottle Ban Headed Your Way?

The Banners are flying high all the way from South Florida to the middle of Cape Cod in New England.  But hese Banners are not saying “Eat at Joe’s”, “Happy Birthday”, or ‘’We’re Number One".  These Banners are not making funny little jokes like the one shown above about printers. These Banners are not ads placed on social media or held up by marchers in parades. 


These Banners are people - the Do Gooders and Dreamers who want to fix all the problems of the world by banning common everyday things.  They moan the damage that straws do or the carnage caused by plastic bags and bottles. Yes even STRAWS! They have been banned in parts of Florida.

 Plastic bags have been axed in Harwich on Cape Cod and dozens of other places.  And now, more than half of the Cape Cod towns are considering banning plastic bottles in all municipal offices!They admit the municipal ban in just the first step toward an outright ban of plastic bottles! 


 PULL-EASE!!!!!  PLEASE YOU BANNERS, GET A LIFE!  There is some validity to your campaign but wouldn’t your energy and money be better used feeding the poor, educating people, improving health care? Ban Hunger.  Ban Poverty.  Ban joblessness, but don’t take away my bottles – and really, this is the last STRAW!


Let’s Ban the Banners until they get it right!

Joe "Fight Club" Kelly Gets a New Name for the Dodgers

Joe "Fight Club" Kelly has picked up a new nickname. Kelly came to fame in 2018 as a member of the World Champion Boston Red Sox, when he single handedly tried to take on the whole New York Yankee team.  

Joe Kelly "Fight Club" tee shirts quickly flooded the market after Joe revealed that he could throw punches almost as fast as his 102 mile per hour 'heater'.

This year Joe is taking his act to the West Coast for the L A Dodgers, and California fans are probably going to be calling him "Crawfish Kelly" after his latest gaffe. Joe was involved in a marathon Crawfish Boil.  For five grueling hours he stood above steaming pots of seafood and corn, stirring all the while. 

When game time arrived the next day at spring training headquarters in Arizona, "Fight Club" was a no show!  Bad back!

  "Crawfish" Kelly had to take a few days off before returning.  His manager Dave Roberts, himself a Red Sox hero and World Champ, had some advice for the veteran fire-baller.  "Stay away from the Jambalaya". 


During 2018 when Joe had his war with the Yankees, all of New England was talking about the spirit of the slender pitcher as he waded into the fray.  Joe is six foot one inch tall and is generously listed by the Sox as 190.  If you look closely at the picture of the melee, you will see a really huge guy who showed great maturity and wisdom by not getting into the action.  I'm sure that Joe Kelly thanks his lucky stars every day that the big fella didn't jump in - for that mountain of a man is Mr. Aaron Judge, who at six foot seven and 280 pounds, is literally twice the size of "Crawfish" Kelly.  

Stay tuned LA and the rest of the nation and Canada.  The 2019 season starts shortly and Fight-Club/Crawfish Kelly is one good reason to watch!.

Top Two U.S. Coffee Shops Change Names

By now you certainly have heard the news.  Name changes at the Number One and Two Coffee chains in America will demand the repainting of thousands of signs, redesign of logos, new TV and Radio commercials and force us to try and remember to say the new name.

Dunkin Donuts was first to switch.  They have dropped the 'donut'.  They are now simply "Dunkin".  Cynics say that they dropped the donut because they don't sell donuts anymore.  To be fair, they sell something they call a donut, but it certainly does not resemble the delicious little confection they made back in the 1950s when they were cutting their teeth instead of 'costs'.

A few wags say that the reason they got rid of the donut is that nowadays the donuts are not made 'in store' like they were when the chain became famous.  They say that the donut you buy in a shop today, was baked a month ago in China.  But with the new trade restrictions China won't bake for the U.S. any more.  

Whatever!  It just seems a shame that Dunkin Donut is no more.

Then there's the Number Two chain, Starbuck's.  (It's either two or one, depending on which company you prefer.).  Starbuck's has been in business for over 40 years and is primarily a West Coast favorite, while Dunkin, which was born in Boston, is the East Coast choice.

Starbuck's name change was forced by its customer base who complained that just like Dunkin Donut should not be called Donut anymore because they don't make good ones these days,  Starbuck's should not be called 'Buck' because you can't buy anything there for a 'buck'

So the new name for the company is Star Five-Bucks!

Innovative new way to re-cycle those plastic bottles

The 'Commish' has a point. Much of what's being re-cycled today is just being thrown away or burned by the landfill operators. Since China won't take our trash anymore, the market for it has shrunk to almost nothing. Make less trash by re-using those bottles. Fill 'em with Tap Water. Here's a tip. Too much chlorine? Leave the bottle in the fridge for a day or so and the odor and the chemical will be gone.

What will you see in the mirror today?

Life is not a box of chocolates......

Copyright Bill Russo 2019

Hooked on Catnip

Starving Artist Reveals Pirate Stories

When you're in a sailing vessel in waters off Cape Cod, and a gale starts bearing down on you, you best haul sail and heave to immediately.  Failing that the wind and the waves will pulverize your ship; and you, the crew, and all your gold coins will be buried in the sandy beaches of Wellfleet and Eastham.  

The real life, richest Pirate of the Caribbean; Sam Bellamy, the gentleman pirate, battled just such a storm as he was returning to his love, The Wicked Witch of Eastham - only she wasn't wicked.  At least that's the way I tell it in my book Ghosts of Cape Cod, a former Amazon Number One Best Seller. Check it out on Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, Kobo, Apple and all major online retailers.

Feel free to comment or check out my Facebook Page "The Bill Russo Bookstore" - it's not a store, just a page of photos, discussions and such.  

If you do this you will be helping out a starving artist/writer.  Full disclosure.  I may be stretching it just a little bit when I say I am  starving, considering that I stretch out 180 pounds on a frame that's just 5 foot 7.  

But, between the ages of 50 and 75, which I now am (as of 2019), I have lost two inches of height.  Yikes!  I must be a starving artist after all!

Help me out guys!