W.C. Fields: "Never Give A Sucker an Even Break" - Explained

William Claude Fields

 By Bill Russo

Good Guy or Dirty Rat?

Was W.C. Fields the meanest scoundrel on the planet ...... or merely a loveable rascal?

Despite his personality, or maybe because of it, he became one of the wealthiest and most famous entertainers of the early 1900s.

After you read the Fields Philosophy of life, in his own words - you decide.

WOMEN

“People say I hate women. It’s not true. I owe everything I have to a woman. She drove me to drink. I didn’t even bother to thank her. Women are like elephants. They are fun to look at but I wouldn't want to own one."

MARRIAGE.........

WC & Mae West made one great film - but

 she disapproved of his drinking 

and would never work with him again.

"Marriage is a fine institution, although who in their right mind wants to live in an institution. But marriage is better than leprosy - because it’s easier to get rid of. Marriage often leads to children and I never met a kid I liked. In fact, anybody who hates kids and dogs can't be all bad. But I really do like children, provided they are cooked properly."

PREDJUDICE & POLITICS

On the top rated Charlie McCarthy radio 

show, fields got so mad at Charlie he forgot 

that he was arguing with a wooden dummy!

"I am often accused of prejudice. It's not true. I hate everyone equally. As for politics...I never vote FOR anyone. I just vote AGAINST someone".

OUTER SPACE

"With all the talk of space travel, I'm often queried if I think there is intelligent life on other planets. All I can tell you is ... I hope so because there certainly isn't any on this planet!"

NEVER GIVE A SUCKER AN EVEN BREAK!

"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for....but I am not a crook. It's just the opposite, because it is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. Never give a sucker an even break. Smarten up a chump....and by the way, you cannot cheat an honest man".

BOOZE

"They say you can't swear off drinking. It's a lie. Why Godfrey Daniels, I've done it a thousand times.

I do drink at work, but I disguise it by putting my whiskey in a lemonade container. One time a smartass took out my booze and substituted lemonade for it. I took a swig and almost choked to death. I screamed out...what damn fool put lemonade in my lemonade?

Once I was on safari in the deepest part of Africa. Some idiot forgot to bring a corkscrew. For days I had to exist on nothing but food and water.

I would drink water except for the disgusting things fish do in it. Another bad thing I heard about water is that it could become habit forming.

I always keep a flask of whiskey around in case of snakebite and I always keep a little snake around too.

A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.. It’s my nerves you see. I think the best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

When I got back to America after my trip overseas, the first thing I did was turn into a bar. Oh that I could! What a great trick that would be. Yes Indeed. Turn into a bar! If I could live my life over....I would live over a saloon.

When the Japanese struck Pearl Harbor, I brought a hand truck to a liquor store and bought 6 cases of gin. When a friend saw me returning, he asked why I bought 6 cases.I replied. "I think it's going to be a short war."

PHILADELPHIA

I spent a year in Philadelphia one weekend. That's not true. I was not able to stay there because I went to Philadelphia once but it was closed."

And with that line, so closes a few quotes from the mouth of William Claude Dukenfield...better known in film and Vaudeville, on network radio and Broadway...asW.C. Fields.

Were his caustic words proof of his sour nature? Or were they just for entertainment?

His last days may provide some clue to his real nature. He had been ill for several months and was confined to a hospital. Friends visiting would find him reading a Bible. This was totally out of character for the lifelong atheist. When questioned about his study of the Bible, he always answered...."I'm just looking for loopholes!"

Another thing he did shortly before he died was to toss a little bit of an Olive Branch to Philadelphia, the city he had scorned so many times. Fields told friends that he wanted his tombstone to read..."All things considered, I'd rather be living in Philadelphia."