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Today's topic is a Guest Blog by a former Sales Representative of an old time soda you may never have heard of. If you read on you'll understand why you've never heard of it.
Is This the Worst Soft Drink Ever?
Guest Post by Art Miller
So, one of
the first jobs in my career was beverage salesman for a soft drink
company. This is a great position if
you’re selling Coca-cola or Pepsi Cola.
You just go into a super market or convenience store and ask ‘how many
cases do you want this week?’
But not so
good if you’re trying to sell Moxie Soda, which I was. ‘Trying to’ is the operative phrase
here. I was trying but nobody was
buying.
Here’s what
happened to me at the Main Street Market in Chatterboro, Massachusetts, on my
last call of my very first day on the job.
I entered
the store and announced, “Hello. I’m Art
Miller your new Moxie salesman. How many
cases can I get you this week?”
“Hello Mr. Art
Miller. I’m very happy to see you. You
can get me zero. But I’ll get you two full cases. That’s how many your last salesman talked me
into four months ago and I haven’t sold a single bottle! Take it back, get out, and don’t come back!”
After all
the earlier calls I made, and counting the two return cases, my sales for the
day were ‘negative two’. Following a solid week of similar rejection, I submitted
my resignation to the boss - telling him that
“ Moxie soda
has caused the figurative ‘death of a salesman’: yours truly, Arthur Miller.”
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In fairness
there actually is a small but dedicated group of people who really do buy Moxie
soda, they’re mostly located in New England but the parent company has six
bottling locations in the U.S. from Worcester, Massachusetts to Washington
State.
At one time,
during the early 1900s, Moxie was a big seller nationwide, even out-vending the behemoth, Coca Cola. Flash forward a hundred years; the Moxie
market today is confined to a few pockets here and there; mostly in New England
where two or three bottles sit on supermarket shelves next to row after row of
Pepsi and Coke.
So what does
this horrible Moxie stuff taste like?
Here are
some random opinions harvested from the internet.
Mr. Shatter:
“It tastes like soda – run through the crank case of a car. Rank!”
Amazon
Reviewer D. Bradshaw, “This is worst-tasting soda I've
ever had. I can't see how anyone could like it, but I guess there is something
out there for everyone. I imagine it's what tar tastes like.”
Amazon Reviewer, Cliff: “It's not bad, but that is all I can say. The smell is of
toothpaste or vicks, and the taste at first is spicy with a little sweetness.
The aftertaste is the rough part, I am finishing the drink but doubt I'd get
again on my own, wouldn't refuse if given. It is definitely different, and I am
glad that something like this is still around.
Here’s an excerpt from ‘Weird Soda Review’. The reviewer bought the soda in Los Angeles:
“Color: dark brown, just a hint of
purple.
Scent: sweet cola, but with a strong herbal note. Maybe licorice? Smells a bit like Dandelion and Burdock soda.
Scent: sweet cola, but with a strong herbal note. Maybe licorice? Smells a bit like Dandelion and Burdock soda.
Taste: Whoa. WHOA. What the heck? Is that cough syrup?
OK, here goes. The initial taste is quite sweet, vaguely cola-ish, but sweeter. Right behind that is a secondary sweet taste, with a strong chalky component, and a bit of mint. That part is odd--it reminds me vaguely of the tooth-polishing compound you get at the dentist, or quick-dissolve allergy medicine.
But then it hits you. Right behind that--no more than a second behind--a bitter herbal taste surges up. It's not strong, the sweet is stronger, but it's quite distinct.”
In conclusion, if
you happen to be wandering through a store in your town and you spy a bottle of
Moxie tucked away in a corner, hiding behind a thousand units of Coke and
Pepsi; you may be tempted to try it.
Don’t.
If you do, don’t
say I didn’t warn you.
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