Good Guy or Dirty Rat?
Was W.C. Fields the meanest scoundrel on the planet ... or merely a
loveable rascal?
Despite his personality, or maybe because of it, he became one of the
wealthiest and most famous entertainers of the early 1900s.
After you read the Fields Philosophy of life, in his own words - you
decide.
WOMEN.....
“People say I hate women. It’s not true. I owe everything I have to a
woman. She drove me to drink. I didn’t even bother to thank her. Women are like
elephants. They are fun to look at but I wouldn't want to own one."
MARRIAGE.........
"Marriage is a fine institution, although who in their right mind
wants to live in an institution. But marriage is better than leprosy - because
it’s easier to get rid of. Marriage often leads to children and I never met a
kid I liked. In fact, anybody who hates kids and dogs can't be all bad. But I
really do like children, provided they are cooked properly".
PREJUDICE - POLITICS.....
"I am often accused of prejudice. It's not true. I hate everyone
equally. As for politics...I never vote FOR anyone. I just vote AGAINST
someone".
OUTER SPACE....
"With all the talk of space travel, I'm often queried if I think there
is intelligent life on other planets. All I can tell you is ... I hope so
because there certainly isn't any on this planet!"
NEVER GIVE A SUCKER AN EVEN BREAK!....
"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for....but I am not a
crook. It's just the opposite, because it is morally wrong to allow a sucker to
keep his money. Never give a sucker an even break. Smarten up a chump....and by
the way, you cannot cheat an honest man".
BOOZE....
"They say you can't swear off drinking. It's a lie. Why Godfrey
Daniels, I've done it a thousand times.
I do drink at work, but I disguise it by putting my whiskey in a lemonade
container. One time a smartass took out my booze and substituted lemonade for it.
I took a swig and almost choked to death. I screamed out...what damn fool put
lemonade in my lemonade?
Once I was on safari in the deepest part of Africa. Some idiot forgot to
bring a corkscrew. For days I had to exist on nothing but food and water.
I would drink water except for the disgusting things fish do in it. Another
bad thing I heard about water is that it could become habit forming.
I always keep a flask of whiskey around in case of snakebite and I always
keep a little snake around too.
A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.. It’s
my nerves you see. I think the best thing for a case of nerves is a case of
Scotch.
When I got back to America after my trip overseas, the first thing I did
was turn into a bar. Oh that I could! What a great trick that would be. Yes
Indeed. Turn into a bar! If I could live my life over....I would live over a
saloon.
When the Japanese struck Pearl Harbor, I brought a hand truck to a liquor
store and bought 6 cases of gin. When a friend saw me returning, he asked why I
bought 6 cases.I replied. "I think it's going to be a short war."
PHILADELPHIA....
I spent a year in Philadelphia one weekend. That's not true. I was not able
to stay there because I went to Philadelphia once but it was closed."
And with that line, so closes a few quotes from the mouth of William Claude
Dukenfield...better known in film and Vaudeville, on network radio and
Broadway...as W.C. Fields.
YOU BE THE JUDGE........
Were his caustic words proof of his sour nature? Or were they just for
entertainment?
His last days may provide some clue to his real nature. He had been ill for
several months and was confined to a hospital. Friends visiting would find him
reading a Bible. This was totally out of character for the lifelong atheist.
When questioned about his study of the Bible, he always answered...."I'm
just looking for loopholes!"
Another thing he did shortly before he died was to toss a little bit of an
Olive Branch to Philadelphia, the city he had scorned so many times. Fields
told friends that he wanted his tombstone to read..."All things
considered, I'd rather be living in Philadelphia."
On the top rated Charlie McCarthy radio show, fields got so mad at Charlie
he forgot that he was arguing with a wooden dummy!
WC & Mae West made one great film-but she disapproved of his drinking
and would never work with him again.
THE VERDICT?......
Here are a couple comments from when I ran this article on a website some time ago:
"I read two different articles about him from two different authors. One painted him as a mean s,o,b. The other painted him as a really nice man. He was probably somewhere in between."
"I loved the Pearl Harbor comment, he thought it was going to be a short war. Too funny... I come from a well-poluted Catholic family. May I pass this along to them. They'd get a big kick out of too. Thanks for publishing such a funny, insightful and very well written article!!
Bravo!"
As for me, Bill Russo, the author of this piece, I think that Bill Fields was probably was a pretty good guy, but I suspect he did have a bit of a mean streak.
Thanks for reading this post on Adventures in Type and Space, and please do pass along a generous slug of Fields and chase it with another!
From the first time I saw him, I was a fan and cannot imagine anyone not being enchanted by the screen work of the rogue.
I don't understand how Mae West could have been so much against him.
She was so steamy that she got banned from radio by doing the Adam and Eve sketch: she was arrested and sent to jail for one of her theatrical productions dealing with sex; she was an early advocate of gay rights; was tolerant of all forms of lifestyles......except the those who have a fondness of taking a few too many drinks and being funny about it.
No matter, I think here's what 'Bill Fields' might have said,
"Well, well. Mae West doesn't want to work with me anymore because of my drinking...ok... I won't drink any more.......or any less!"
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Comments, complaints, or W.C. jokes as always, are welcome. Comment here or contact me by email, Billrrrrr@yahoo.com
If you like dramatized short stories, visit my tales on iHeart Radio, iTunes, Spreaker, YouTube and all other major audio-video sites. Here's a link to a ten minute tale from Boston, "Murder in the North End" https://www.spreaker.com/user/11578348/murder-in-the-north-end