SPECIAL REPORT TO ADVENTURES IN TYPE AND SPACE
by journalist Woody B. Troofull.
Science finally has some good news for the testosterone challenged wooly men of the world. There is on the horizon, a cure for that unruly, shaggy, greasy hair: it's called baldness! Sounds simple right? Not quite.
Some men are lucky enough to be naturally bald, like the manly men pictured above - President Eisenhower, Bruce Willis, and Star Trek's Avery Brooks. Others search in vain for a cure for hair. Many have even resorted to scraping off the offending thatch with knives and razors. This is NOT a permanent cure. The only way to effectively treat hair is by becoming bald.
It is not easy to do. It requires a considerable amount of male hormone (testosterone) to kill off the ape-like cranial growth. But what do you do if you are like so many unfortunate men who have low testosterone and therefore are unable to achieve a clean, slick bald head?
It is probable that in future, science will come to the rescue. Injections should be available that will restore your vitality and virility and at the same time kill off the blighted area that is sadly afflicting your head and affecting your life.
In the meantime here is some advice for those unfortunates who have not been able to lose hair.
1....try to keep the tufts from getting dirty and dandruffy. Women do not like dirty hair and really do not like to see a snowfall when a hirsuite individual shakes his head.
2....keep the growth as short as possible. Get a good buzz cut. If you can crop it close enough, you may be able to convince people that you really are bald.
3....DO NOT TRY ANY MIRACLE CURES. AS OF RIGHT NOW, THERE IS NO CURE FOR HAIR. But as mentioned previously, science is right on the cusp of being able to guarantee every man a beautiful, clean, attractive dome. It is estimated that by 2020 medical science will provide all men safe, easy and affordable access to a full head of bald.
4....Don't beat yourself up. Try to accept you for what you are. Evolution may have skipped you, but that doesn't make you a bad guy.
5....If you have any questions or comments, address them to Woody B. Troofull, CEOBH (Boston, MA)
No comments:
Post a Comment